Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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