What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
