I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
