i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
