There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it hurts more in the daytime
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
