I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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