I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
