your thong is hanging out like whoa
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
