a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
