I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
