Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
