dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
