you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
