So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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