also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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