if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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