I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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