He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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