I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
