I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
