small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
