Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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