and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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