I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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