dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
