hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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