my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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