he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's just like the Real World with babies
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
