We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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