We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
