haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
