How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
