Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
