i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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