You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
