Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
is it fun? or sober?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
