Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She told me I should be a condom model.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
