maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
