Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
