We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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