He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
