Where did you get a picture of my penis
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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