no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
