He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He shit in the fireplace
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
