The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
