Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I checked into jail on foursquare
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
