Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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