Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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