my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
