I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
