How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
